A Love Letter from A Secret Admirer

For you, whom I can only admire from afar all this time

How are you?

How strange I am, actually why I have to ask you? Whereas, honestly I have known how you are. Every morning, after pray and make a to do list for today, reading your activity on path—knowing what time you wake up—to be the habit that I never miss.

But for today, I want you to know something. I don’t care if you would say that I am vague and ridiculous, you may also think that I am absurd. When recognition sentence can only difficulty said, let this writing to be the instrument.

I never thought that in short introduction could make me fall so deep

Do you still remember that morning?

Short introduction when you look for where the mathematics class was. Short introduction asking me what is my name. Strangely, though only brief encounter with you can’t be just forgotten.

Until today, I still remember your laughter’s sounds. How end of your eyes narrower when you grin. How your lips smile. I think you are pleasant person. I just want to know you better.

Our next meeting is not less normally. You and I meet at campus. In the middle of our friend’s noise sounds joke, I found again that smile. Only see the smile on your lips made my mood booster.

-But do not fall in love is always bundled with guessing? Love is often obscure logic and makes us to be human cunning manipulation facts-

From that day, I want to create a moment in order to make us stay back together. Hide the feeling like this sometimes makes me crazy.

Admiring you for so long, makes me to be the experts observer

For me, harder thing is when you and I have to stand up face to face: willy-nilly we have to look at each other. I'm afraid you can catch another twinkle of my eyes. If you stare at in a long time, might sense that only my hands tight all this time spilled over - uncover the air. I can’t bet you do not get that love which has been buried neat for so long, which is only an inch nearby.

Though without we have to look at each other, you have to know that you and the little things about you never eliminated from my head.

-I often worry about the scar on your hand that you let it dry up without ever touched.

Your procrastination on health problems. Have the headaches which come every fatigue makes you immediately rest?

I want to be the one who always remind you to take a rest if you start to fatigue with your plenteous activities.

Do you still forgetful, so leave the folder containing important documents on the vehicle seat parked unattended?

Leave your drink bottle on your class?

Your shirt’s button that is often attached potluck, it makes me want to offer a hand to fix it-

Love you for so long makes me to be a person who knows how to read the signs. My eyes accustomed to sweep parking lot every morning, looking for your vehicle which neat parked. If there is no vehicle, it means that you busy with your lot of activities, or you want to do nothing and want to lay down your body that whole day—pay out your sleeping time which pawned a week ago.

You might never aware how I watching you. You don’t need to know. Quite ensure your life running smooth and no shortage. Just look at you from far away, I never mind.

My friends’ say that I was already fall in love with you. Sometimes I wonder, if love is always this crazy? My mind is like a Christmas tree’s branch. At each end of the stem, you're the one who became the end of a long wait.

I admit. Occasionally my thoughts drift away to a place that I hope can be named "We"

People say that expectation is the source of a pain that most inevitable and I am a stubborn person who is willing to put the body to accept the pain that would arrive. Honestly, I often imagine what it's like if one day we could be together. Uniting two item of “I am” to be an item which can be called "We" and there are no separate spaces and pauses.

Occasionally I like watching you who are busy with textbooks in the library. I also often steal a glance when you look seriously working on the tasks, study before the quiz or exam. I wish I dare move to your side, accompanying your saturated day which may be suddenly attacked. If only I could accompany you lunch. I would choose the obligatory diet containing vegetables.

While eating, we can have a lot of talks. You may itch to tell story of the development of Islamic Economics issues that you always interesting to discuss. I will listen, while occasionally chimed in and provide input. When tired with serious topics, we can swap stories about the new film and song which to be the hot topics today. Whatever topic you bring into the table conversation, I would be happy to listen.

If "We" do exist. I hope, a step that I took today is leading to it. You're always filling my mind. I want to do this and that but in the end I think the best way is silent, observing, while continuing to bring you on the strings of silent prayer.

Loving you without ever revealing it - let me know: The best love is the love that remains modest

Before I fall in love with you without a plan, I think love is always filled with chocolates, pink colors, and flowers. I never realized that the best kind of love is the feeling that remains grounded and humble.

That evening, the first time saw you sigh that you’re not feeling well, weak, and dizzy. I just kept silent. I feel useless. Love you, but can’t take care of you. I wanted to wipe sweat, get you medicine, or get you dinner and feeding you that lazy to eat it. I feel I was able to accompany you who are in need of attention over.

Seeing the lowest life point makes me know. My happiness is not only rooted in the success to have you. Seeing you intact, adequate, and even has been made me to give endless thanks to God. Can to be with you is a bonus of the many prayers that never neglects which I sent at the end of the late night.

Even if one day you are not together with me, at least I've tried for you in expectations.

Together or not we will, you still need to know. Your presence is never regretted. Your existence taught me many things to be thankful

As a human being, of course I want us to be together. I’ve already imagined how much fun the days when you could always be found on my side. But if plan and hope are never happen, your existence is never regretted.

-You taught me that love is a matter of giving. Being the best of individual, without worrying about whether the love to be returned.

Your presence makes me believe. That love is always under the hands of the most power. Some things need to be cultivated, but the end result only need to be submitted.

Love you in silence for so long make my eyes open: so many forms of effort that I can do outside seduce and sell the lips- 

Thank you, you have already been there in my life. Thank you for the lesson that you take without having to give a lecture that streak length for me.

If one day we come together, you don’t need to worry. You got me, a person who had been silently pray for a variety of goodness for you.

But if our destiny is not to be the one--you also have to get this in your head. The prayers are never lost. Whatever happens, you will not lose a reliable prayer for your goodness.

Congratulations to continue the journey. Hopefully someday we meet at an intersection that is already destined.

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